Is there a “Best Before” date on a funeral? Does time extend grief or make it go away? Would our loved one want us to hold a Celebration of Life for her a year after her death?
We at the James Reid Funeral Home, Crematorium and Reception Centre are witnessing daily the natural desire to gather when someone dies. Memorial Receptions. Celebrations of Life. Graveside Services. Visitations and Funerals and Burials and Receptions are back.
The first task of grief, to absorb the reality of the loss, is helped by a public landmark moment. It could be in your backyard; it could be a service at James Reid’s. Gathering is a gift to us to heal right at the beginning of our loss when it feels so unreal.
From March 2020 to April 2022, our culture of publicly marking a death shifted. We had to stay away from each other, unnaturally. What of those family members, partners, and friends who died during the two years of restrictions? While we certainly held smaller livestreamed ceremonies, many chose to wait. For these, we created “Covid Closure Ceremonies,” discounted services for those who waited more than 30 days from the date of death to gather.
The social historian among us is keenly interested in the changes in bereavement practices of those who have delayed a socially approved gathering. Questions such as delayed grief may be on our mind.
The real, bereaved person among us is wondering what to do? Many have an urn of cremated remains at home. Is it going to rest of the mantle, or will we do something with our loved one’s remains?
Perhaps a recent experience is instructive: a funeral, interment, and reception held for someone who had died a year ago. A widower and his adult children went to the cemetery and buried Mom’s urn. In our chapel we put on a detailed funeral for the extended family and friends. Eulogies were carefully prepared, photographs presented a life well-lived, and several floral arrangements showed beauty as Orders of Service lead the group through the event.
The children and widower were emotional. What had moved on for them? Nothing. They missed their mom and craved a time and place to express it.
After seeing the health of their grief, we will continue to offer “Covid Closure Ceremonies.” We want to make difficult times easier, whether it is immediate or anywhere on the spectrum of our late-Covid time.
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